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Getting Over Fears: Lowering The Gradient In An Effort To Meet Up With Girls And Relate To Girls

A week ago one of my buddies asked a question that i thought was worth discussing. He inquired about how to overcome fears which pop up at times - even when things are going good.

In fact it's not at all an easy question to answer considering that it differs for every person. There are literally entire books that have been written on that topic only. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.

Exactly what are gradients? Gradients are similar to steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you will fail. If you keep trying it again and again you might start building up a "complex" about failing, and soon stop trying anymore.

If you try to leap up five or six steps in your first try, it will also be scary - not necessarily impossible but frightening. Probability is that if you have no experiences leaping that high you will fail too.

The right approach is to take the initial step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most pleasant method to climb a ladder.

Here are some examples of how I apply that to overcome fears that pop up in meeting women and dating women:

As many guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. Sometimes it is especially scary. Therefore while I am approaching a good looking woman in a social setting, rather than telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am fascinated by her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of many people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say "Hi." If a girl likes you or has an interest in you she will discover a means to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then i know she is not interested in me and the simple "Hi" just shows that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - thus I don't feel shot down in front of others.

If I am starting to date a girl and I am afraid of taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to relax, get cozy, and just watch TV at my home. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my house. Or instead of trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and again to see how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to render me with the go ahead signal.

These are a few examples. Whenever you feel uncomfortable and scared simply try to consider a lower gradient that isn't as scary and allows you to make forward progress toward your ultimate goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and how to relate to them in a short time.

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